Get Out of YOUR Own Way

A recent discovery of mine suggested that I was controlling my life too much. First thought was *pishhh* that used to be me… I am so much more laid back now! I don’t control nearly 75% of what goes on in my life and I’m ok with that! … and then it hit me: I am still controlling that other 25%.

What I thought was progress on my journey of growing up (which it was 5 years ago!) has become stagnant and now more progress needs to be made on this front.

This is going to be tough…I don’t know how much more control I can give up!... My life is less structured and less directed, what else is there to give up!?  Gahhhh!

It wasn’t until a conversation with a peer that it dawned on me: don’t control HOW you are going to live; envision a life for yourself and what you want and everything will come to you.

Now, I understand that this is foreign language to a lot of you so I will say it to you in the just 7 words:
            Just get out of Your Own Way

Sometimes we need to step away from a situation, especially if it’s not working in our favour or we’re not in the flow with it, and let it all unfold the way it needs to unfold, not the way you want it.

We all fall victim of planning our lives so much that we sometimes forget to sit back and allow things to happen the way it should happen with out judgment or fear; and when our plans go awry we try even harder to keep them close. 

So next time when you keep hitting that brick wall, and that little voice keeps telling you to stop, don’t make a detour to come back to the issue, maybe you should just sit back and just get out of your own way… it’ll find a way to work itself out, you just got to have faith. 

 

*written on January 31, 2015

A New Year, A New You ??

I hate New Year’s resolutions.  There I said it, although I do think everyone else believes that as well so it’s not really a shocking statement.

I don’t believe that you need to make January 1st THE day to start anew and start fresh. That’s a whole lot of pressure to be putting on yourself and on the very first day of the year, especially when you most probably spent the night before drinking and staying up way later than you needed to; this is the moment where your mind and body need the day to relax and restore back to your normal. By not allowing at least one day for you to rest after a wild night of partying you’re essentially setting yourself up to fail on your New Year’s resolutions and goals; how can you get the motivation to make a decent meal or go to the gym if you can barely get out of bed (=p).

There’ s a lot of self-judgment when we set a goal for January 1st, and we break it the very first day. So guess what?! We don’t follow through with our goals after that because we think“oh well, I’ll probably fall off the bandwagon at some other point”.  That’s not true. How about instead of setting yourself to fail, rather set yourself up for success by listening to what is best for you and know that you are worth every goal you set for yourself and you need to start valuing the small and big things about your personal growth.

Starting fresh and anew does not have to be on one single day of the year but rather it’s a conscious choice to make the changes NOW; it’s the decision to start a goal and be the person you want to be NOW; it’s about being true to yourself and acknowledging that you want more for yourself and you want it NOW.

Now, there are some things that I like about making goals on Jan 1st. Like that it is a new year to start brand new, and that it’s an easy mark to gage how long you’ve been achieving your goal(s).  And with that being said, [and] the coincidence is that it just so happened that my inspiration and motivation to shake things up and move forward in life happened around the New Year.

I never intended on this to happen though I create and decide the themes that I want for myself for the following year*. I read Mastin Kipp’s** Daily Love: Growing in Grace which was so inspiring and I highly advise for you to go run out (right now) and buy this book – it is full of inspirations gems, and I bought myself the NutriBullet for my full-pulp, full-nutrient juicing needs (this is something I’ve been putting off for the past 1.5 years- silly Sam =p).

Don’t worry about keeping your resolutions and don’t stress if you happen to break them as well; you can make any day of the year your January 1st and you can create and set goals when it’s right for you and when you choose that you are ready to make that commitment for your life.

With all that being said I leave you with the following words:

Leave your comfort zone, Take risks, Choose Love, and Be true to You.

 

*written on January 2, 2015

Why are We Shoulding All Over Ourselves?!

The shoulds of life… They are ingrained in us from an early age and the funny thing about them is that they aren’t even our expectations of life but rather the expectations of others put on us. So we are really stressing ourselves out for other people and their desires, not ours.

Yep, I’m starting off with the bomb for this post… it’s inevitable for this topic and not one that I am willing to sugar coat.

From an early age we have been told by our parents, guardians, authority figures, the media, our friends, etc how to be productive human beings in society and the expectations that are set around us. We are told how to live our lives and what is insisted that we need to do in order to be successful, healthy and most importantly happy beings.

The only problem is that these expectations are not the expectations of ourselves and they may not be what we really want in life. In fact, most of the time they are the demands of others who thrust their opinions and their expectations of themselves onto us! And guaranteed the demands of the others are based on what friends, family members, society, and complete strangers will think of them, not even their expectations for themselves…. It’s a vicious cycle that will perpetually continue unless we make it a point to stop.

So, these shoulds of life… they are pressed upon us at an early age because people have our best interest at heart. Awesome. But when these shoulds become a burden on our mind, our body and our spirit that’s when we need to stop and think about what it is that we truly want.

The shoulds of life make us judgmental of our selves, they make us really hard on ourselves no reason and they are self-deprecating of our spirit. The ego lies in the shoulds and expectations and it is constantly fed every time we judge ourselves for doing something we ought to do rather than what we want to do.

The shoulds of life instill fear into our minds telling us that if we don’t live up to the expectation than we are not good enough, we won’t be loved, and we won’t belong in this world.  And if we don’t act upon the shoulds, or do a good enough job (according to who, by the way!?!) then we become shameful of ourselves.

Being shameful about your self is worse than self-judgment. Having shame is saying that there is something wrong with who you are and a connectedness to your inner self; you are disappointed about something inside of you and are continually telling yourself that you are not good enough.

This is a serious issue here, folks. The shoulds of life are self-deprecating, they kill the spirit slowly… and we’ve been doing this since we can remember!

We have been shoulding all over ourselves for a long time and I reckon it’s time to think about what it means to have a life we want versus a life we should have. 

We all have family members or people in our lives that force their demands on us based on what they think is best for us or even worse, what others will think of them if you choose a life outside of what is expected of you.

“What will the extended family think that you want to have a baby outside of wedlock!?”- “What will I tell people that you no longer are pursuing your career as a doctor and are deciding to travel the world for a year!?” - “ How will your grandparents react when I tell them that you are no longer seeing that person?! It will break their heart!”

How do we break this cycle, you ask!? Start living your life the way you want to without judgment of self, without fear,

For the longest time, I thought about how I should have the model figure body shape. Knowing that I was bigger than a size 2 – hell I’m at size 10/11, there is no way I will ever be a size 2- and knowing that I’ve got some extra meat on my body and I was OK with how I looked, the shoulds of what my body should look like kept creeping up: You shouldn’t have as much fat on your hips; your thighs and ass are way too big to wear shorts… I should go to the gym and workout more often; none of the guys who I think are hot want a girl with curves, so I’ll lose as much weight as I can to seem skinner and they won’t notice my curves as much, that should get them to notice me more (Note: when I lost a lot of the weight, my curves stood out even more! I’ve got a tiny waist and big hips… I couldn’t deny what I was given and slowly started to accept that part of me).

Once I started to accept this part of me and quiet down the chatter of the shoulds of what my body ought to look like, I started to accept my body and appreciate that I’ve got curves; by accepting this part of me I was accepting and loving myself more and more. I started to realize the potential of my life even more so.

*written on February 2, 2014

Making it Count

“I'm not afraid to die, I am afraid to live a wasted life.”

For the longest time I used to think that consistency and predictability were what life was all about; I lived life in the pseudo fast lane and I was doing everything I thought was right. I was rebellious in my own ways and up until I turned 25 I never really realized what the world was really made of. Sure, I travelled a bit, partied to my hearts content, and did the things that I wanted to do in order to live my life, but I never truly saw the world in all its entirety and wonder.

Please note that this is not something I just recently discovered; I’ve been seeing the world in this new light for about the past couple of years. My life was turned upside down: my perspective on life, love, priorities and living every moment to its fullest went from one end of the spectrum to the other, a literal 180 degrees.

And if you all must know, yes it was a boy who flipped my world upside down and though it was not the best of times, the one thing I am happy and grateful for is the lessons and the experiences that I got from that time in my life.  And this is one of those lessons.  

Since this little life lesson (shameful that it’s not an Oprah Life Lesson) I’ve “seized the day” so to speak.  I live my life with no regrets and I do things and go places that make me happy. Why live a life that makes you miserable? Why bother sit around wishing you could do the things you have always wanted to do?  Just Do it!

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My life has been pretty much amazing since I’ve “seized the day” simply because I refuse to live a wasted life and like I said above, I live with no regrets. I have only myself to ensure that I am happy and that I am living a full and rich life. I travel, I go out, I practice yoga, I enjoy the time I have with family and friends, I waste my time doing the things that I love, but then that means that it’s not wasted time, right!?

I’m going to be a little morbid here and make a bold statement but if your favourite blogger (=p ) can’t say it to you then really who can!? Make every moment in your life count cause you never know when the last one may be and whatever choice you make, make it count! Make every moment of your life count as if you will never live that moment again – mainly cause you never will, but you get my gist.  Live in the moment. Stop and smell the roses.  Carpe Diem.  Live a life worth living. 

*written on April 14, 2012

Playing it Safe

I feel as though I have hit a plateau in my life. It’s such a silly thing to say since I have been back from my trip only 8 weeks now, I secured myself a job, I found a guy who treats me better than I ever thought, and I’m spending time on the things that make me happy in my life. From the outside I have it pretty damn good!

But I feel as though my life is lacking on so many levels. The days go by with a sense of comfort and routine, the excitement of exploring the city leaves me bored, and I’m losing interest in what used to keep me preoccupied before.

After moments of pondering what it is that is absent in my life, I realized that I am not challenging myself the way that I need to be challenged. Everyday provoked a new test for me while I was away, and if the day didn’t present itself with a challenge I would find myself venturing into new territories of the city and of myself that I always wondered about but never really took the time to explore.

Being back home has provided me with the comfort that I missed and the support I need to continue with my journey; but I’m experiencing a certain, all too familiar feeling of comfort and support; the kind where you can be yourself and no one else, and everyone accepts you for who you are and no one pushes you beyond your limits. It’s a kind of comfort that makes you feel safe.

But you can’t be the best person you can be if you playing safe all the time. You need to –and when I say you, I mean you but I am also really referring to me here – expand your horizons, push your boundaries and explore the many ways of seeing the world. You need to defy your inner self just a little to really understand your perspective and stance on life, love, and the other miscellaneous things that the universe throws at you.

I have always left myself open to all opportunities and possibilities that the universe provides me, which has lead to some amazing experiences and people, and now I need to be fully open to what life has to offer me.

Being safe helps with the transition process of accepting your new limits while toying with the idea of new boundaries that ought to be pushed but now it’s time to move forward and continue with my process.

I refuse to let myself stay in a safe place longer than I need to just because I feel comfortable; and I encourage new things/ideas to enter my life without judgment. I feel as though my life at this moment is a clean palate and through this experience I am ready for something really beautiful to happen.

*written on June 17, 2011

Letting Go a Universe you Created

*note: this was written while I was on my last leg in Sydney and after thinking a lot about my life back home, my life at the current moment and things that my friends have been talking to me about with respect to their changing life situations.

Reading philosophical books while travelling can be a godsend or the worst possible choice a person can make. For me, it’s the former since I have been able to think about my life and where it is heading and not have to worry about any of my obligations back home. 

During this trip I read The Witch of Portobello (I am in love with this book!) and realized that in order to be happy we sometimes need to sacrifice a world we created, and if there is anyone out there who is an expert on letting go of something that they built, it’s me. Not saying that I am the guru since I am also human and my timing or logical reasoning can be off, but I am familiar with the process of creating a certain life, path direction (whatever you choose to call it) and then realizing that that part of your life no longer works for you.

Sometimes we all deny that small little voice inside of us that tells us when to leave the universe we built because we have put so much of our effort, love, time and passion into it and if we let go of it then it will feel like we are losing what we created and a failure to keep it going.

My thoughts are, what if all that time, effort love and passion wasn’t a waste of time or energy but rather an experience to grow from and something that will help us with the next phase of our lives?

We don’t want to realize that sometimes that the path we are on is longer working in our favour since we don’t want to lose something that is already a part of our lives. I’ll admit that I have denied that part of me that knows it’s time to let go but refused since I was comfortable and happy where I was; in reality I wasn’t happy but settling for what I knew and the comfort it provided since I was afraid of the unknown.

Being afraid and unclear about the future is extremely scary and difficult to comprehend especially when your not ready to face the situation(s) at hand; in fact it’s completely normal and anyone who tells you otherwise are full of shit!

But once you recognize that the path you created for yourself no longer works and once you deal with it, there is a sense of liberation, freedom and excitement that comes with it; a sense that you are once again in control of your life and the direction you want for yourself. 

Recently I have let go of various paths and since letting go I have found myself to be more open to opportunities, excited about the little things in life, and realized the abundance of love that I have in my life. I have started to listen to the little voice and realized that I can be happier in life if I just listen to my gut instincts a little bit more.

You may not be ready to face your reality of letting go of a path, but once you stop denying that voice, real happiness fills your heart, and that’s when life starts becoming real, again.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
 
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

-Incubus “Drive”

 

*written on April 7, 2011

Enjoy Life NOW!

You never really know what you have till it’s gone…cliché, I know, but there is a lot of truth in that statement.

After a series of thought provoking events including a funeral, a dream where my dad passes away, and my 3 month long trip, I have yet again realized how important it is to seize every opportunity you have in life and to enjoy every moment.

Okay, enough of the cheesy talk, and lets get down to the real business of this.  Again, after re-reading The Witch of Portabello while I was in Syndey, it re-confirmed to me one of my favourite quotes that I try to live by: Live today as others will only live in the future.

This quote is extremely powerful to me since it has allowed me to be okay with my spontaneous decisions, and for those who know me spontaneity is not my forte. I feel ok with spending my money on my passions and travel and partying, and enjoying my life how I want to enjoy it. I feel ok with spending my money how I do only because you never know what the future holds for you.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t plan for your future and save your money for a home, or a car, or for a family that you plan on having in 5-10 years, but at the same time live a little! Go out and spend a little money on a weekend away with friends, or a shopping spree, or a month (or longer ;0) ) travelling a country, or getting dressed up and going out dancing with your friends.

Planning your future allows us to have goals and a direction in life which a lot of us need in order to function ‘normally’ or properly in the world and I will be the first to admit that I am someone who enjoys structure, but after my trip I have lessened my grip on my need for structure and I am now enjoying the smaller things in life and not taking for granted the people who are in my life. 

I’m encouraging everyone out there to follow your dreams and your passions and to do the things in life that make you happy.  What’s the point of living life unhappy and miserable when there is so much out in the world (in your city even) to discover and explore.

Go enjoy your life with the people who you care about and who care about you, and be spontaneous, you never know what new things you may enjoy =)

*written May 6, 2011